Caught off Guard

I’ve done this before. I’m a veteran now. So I can’t figure out how this snuck up on me without my realizing what was happening.

It started innocently enough.

Let’s take a look at the route for the Charleston Marathon.

. . . . tippity tappity . . . .

The race organizer’s map sucks. Let’s see what else I can find.

. . . . tippity tappity . . .

Oh look! I found the USATF certified map. Now we’re talkin’!

Now, how far is it from my hotel to the start? One, two, three . . . nine blocks.

No, I need to know precisely how far.

. . . . tippity tappity . . .

.5509 miles.

I wonder how many feet that is.

. . . . tippity tappity . . .

2908.752 feet.

Man, my ankle is a little sore today. It’s probably a stress fracture.

Hey, maybe I should check the weather forecast for Saturday while I’m at it.

. . . . tippity tappity . . .

Can I really trust weather.com? Maybe I should check a few other sources.

. . . . tippity tappity . . . intellicast . . . . tippity tappity . . . wunderground . . . . tippity tappity . . . accuweather . . . . tippity tappity . . .

And maybe the Charleston local news while I’m at it.

. . . . tippity tappity . . .

Ow! Stubbed my toe. It’s broken, I just know it. What was I thinking, walking around the house in bare feet? I’m an idiot.

Sniff, sniffle.

Oh crap! What are the symptoms of ebola?

. . . tippity tappity . . .

Yadda yadda yadda “hemorrhagic fever” yadda yadda yadda “death occurs in two weeks of onset of symptoms” yadda yadda yadda “ symptoms include weakness, dehydration, headache, joint and muscle aches . . .”

I knew it! I’ve contracted ebola. Well at least I’ve got two weeks and won’t keel over until after the race.

Damn taper madness.